For well over a decade, at more and more locations each year, hundreds of people dress up in santa suits, meet up, and spend a day wandering the streets and invading bars. They sometimes get drunk, they often hand out toys and gifts, they regularly sing offensive Christmas carols, and they occasionally cause mayhem.

They call this event SANTARCHY!

Sound familiar? It should. Santarchy (along with it's gay cousin, Guerrilla Queer Bar) was a huge inspiration for Guerrilla Masquerade Party. Originally the brainchild of the Cacophony Society in San Francisco, it's grown from a SF event to a worldwide sensation. Cities as far and wide as Toyko, Bangkok, London, Montreal, Tijuana, Anchorage, and even a location in Antarctica have joined the fun and held their own Santarchy events. The Cacophony Society of Seattle has been holding Santarchy in our town since 1997 (as far as we can tell), making this the 10th anniversary of Santarchy in Seattle.

So to pay homage to our forefathers, Guerrilla Masquerade Party will be bringing our Sleazy Santa selves to the fun as guests of SANTARCHY again this year.

At Noon on Saturday, December 15th we'll be joining up with the rest of the Santas at the Blue Star Cafe in Wallingford. We'll stumble and weave our way through the many fine establishments along 45th to the U-District's fabulous Hotel Deca, then board chartered (burner) buses to Georgetown. Santa's itinerary is simple, and subject to deviation. Like Santa.

  * Noonish: Blue Star Cafe & Pub - 4512 Stone Way N; MAP

  * 6ish: Board the Bus in Parking lot behind the hotel Deca - 45th & Brooklyn Ave NE; MAP

  * 8ish: 9 lb Hammer - 6009 Airport Way S; MAP

  * Drunkish: Corner of Fall and Down

If you can't meet Santa at noon, you can get his whereabouts up-to-the-minute via Dodgeball: http://www.dodgeball.com/. Add "Ivan C." as your friend.

SPECIAL SANTA INFO ABOUT SPECIAL SANTA FUN:

• Stuff a pillow under your coat. Word is, the Pillow Fight Club is gunning for Santa! http://tribes.tribe.net/seattlepillowfightclub
• Bring a boom box. Santa's been invited to participate in loud, ambient ART. http://www.unsilentnight.com
• Bring $5 to ride the Santa bus(es) from the U-District to Georgetown. Your $5 gets you a collectible laminated bus pass, which features convenient taxicab phone numbers, for the long, vomitous ride home.
• Print out your very own copy of the Santarchy Carol Book http://santarchy.com/other/santacon-carol-book.pdf

So get your Sleazy Santa gear together, and your evil elven outfits on, and come join the fun of SANTARCHY! Whether you don a full St. Nick suit or a simple Santa Hat, whether you feel the urge to dress as a Reindeer or Mrs. Claus, and whether your inner Frosty or your secret Elf self come out to play, this is going to be one fun afternoon and evening. Don't miss it! Just remember to pace yourself!

Of course, even organized chaos has rules. SANTARCHY has some guidelines for dealing with public that help keep anyone from getting in trouble, and help maintain the mystery.

How we deal with the public is very simple: The answer is Santa.

Who's in charge? SANTA
Who are you with? SANTA
What organization are you with? SANTA
Who organized this? SANTA
Where did you get the buses? SANTA
Who's that woman? SANTA
Who's that guy? SANTA

All these statements are true -- so you don't even have to fib and risk getting coal in your stocking. But if you want, be creative. If asked where we came from, tell them the North Pole. If asked how we got there, say a sleigh with eight tiny reindeer. If asked what we're all about, say (in the most condescending voice possible, of course) that there's this guy named Santa who lives at the North Pole and likes to give toys to good boys and girls.

To ensure everyone's privacy and freedom: Do not quote a web address; Do not point out ANYONE as being 'in charge'; Do not give out a name; Do not supply an e-mail address; Do not hand out a phone number (except to hot Santas).

THE FOUR 'DON'T FUCK'S' OF SANTARCHY:

DON'T FUCK WITH THE COPS.
If the cops tell you to do something, DO IT. If you want to get busted, do it when you and I aren't dressed the same.

DON'T FUCK WITH STORE SECURITY.
If they ask you to leave a store, get the hell out and be nice about it, or other Santas will take shit for it. Besides, they might call the cops and then we're dealing with the first fuck.

DON'T FUCK WITH LITTLE KIDS.
I'm serious, this is supposed to be fun. Holidays are unpleasant enough for kids these days. If we can't brighten it at least we can be one less worry for them. If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or something pleasant. Feel free to urinate on their parents. Remember: The kids of today are the weirdoes of tomorrow.

DON'T FUCK WITH SANTA
I just might puke on your suit, you damned impostor.

And finally, although they vary from city to city, Santarchy in Seattle has some traditions:

1. Santas address every Santa as Santa, (and every Elf as Elf) in the first, second, and third person, singular and plural.
   
2. Santas have something ready to hand out to kids and kids at heart, such as small gifts, mutant toys, or candy canes. And make them age appropriate.
   
3. Santas are ready for new adventure at a moment's notice. Santa is like a shark, and must keep moving in order to thrive.
   
4. Santas uphold the hallowed tradition of Never Washing the Suit.
   
5. Santas often carry a little nip of something in a less suspicious container -- like a thoroughly cleaned Pine-Sol bottle.
   
6. Santas sing their own special Christmas carols.
   
7. Santas are usually 21 and over, since the event makes regular stops at local bars. But since you have to smoke outside, Santas under 21yo will always have company outside.
   
8. Santas are REALLY creative with their costumes.
   

Tips on finding or making cheap Santa Suits: HERE
More Info on the history of Santarchy: HERE
More about Seattle Cacophonists and join their mailing list: HERE
More about Cacophony Societies around the globe: HERE